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lyrics

The Search by John Logan

But for whom do I look?
The whole night long you will see me walk
or maybe during the day
watch me pass by.
But I do not wander.
It is a search. For I stop here,
or here, wherever people gather.
Depot, restaurant, bar.
But for whom do I seek?
You will see me coming back
perhaps at dawn. Sometimes
the faces seem like tombs.
I have tried to read the names
so long my eyes darken in their graves
of bone. (The bodies of our eyes lie side by side but do not touch.)
But for whom do I look? My search
is not for wife, daughter or for son
for time to time it has taken me from them.
Or has wrenched me from my friend:
I will abruptly leave him,
and I do not go home.
Then, for whom do I seek? Out of what fear?
It is not for queers
for my search leads me from their bars,
It is not for whores,
since I reject their wares,
or another time may not.
Then for whom do I look?
When I was young I thought
I wanted (yearned for) older age.
Now I think I hunt with so much rage
that I will risk or lose
family or friends for the ghost of my youth.
Thus I do not know for what I look.
Father? Mother?
The father who will be the mother?
Sister who will be the brother?
Often I hunt in the family of others—
until hope scatters.
I will call up a friend or student at night
or I will fly
to see them—will bask and heal in the warm
places of their homes.
And I must not be alone
no matter what needs be done,
for then my search is ended.
So now the panicked thumbs of my poem pick
through the grill. They poke
the lock
and put out a hand and then an arm.
The limbs of my poems
come within your reach.
Perhaps it is you whom I seek.

credits

from Striking Light, Striking Dark, released November 24, 2021

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Sasha Bogdanowitsch image

Sasha Bogdanowitsch New York, New York

Sasha Bogdanowitsch is a composer, vocalist and multi -instrumentalist, whose work includes music for theater, dance and film, interdisciplinary performance, concert music and original songs. He is a co-founder of World In One, Vital Vox Vocal Festival, Loom Ensemble & SoCorpo. He currently performs solo and as a member of the Moving Star Vocal Ensemble and folk trio, Up at Dawn. ... more

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